Posted by We Regret To Inform U on Wed, Aug 7, 2013, at 5:33 PM:
It was the first day of school and the teacher was asking the kids what their fathers do for work.
She asked Sally, "What does your daddy do?"
She replied, "My dad is a doctor and he helps people when they're hurt."
Then the teacher asked another little boy named Greg, "What does your daddy do?"
He replied, "My daddy is a mechanic and fixes cars when they are broken."
Then the teacher asked this sad little boy named David, "What does your daddy do?"
He replied, "My Daddy's dead."
"Well," the teacher said, "what did your daddy do before he died?"
David said, "He turned Blue and **** on the floor!"
Replies (19)
Doctor Don says "I entered 10 puns in a contest to see which would win.
No pun in ten did"
-- Posted by Old John on Wed, Aug 7, 2013, at 5:52 PM
Oops, Posted on tomorrow's thread! :)
-- Posted by Old John on Wed, Aug 7, 2013, at 5:55 PM
My fault.....
-- Posted by We Regret To Inform U on Wed, Aug 7, 2013, at 6:10 PM
Did I miss a day? Oh,well,I missed a few in my ill repute days.
The Black Bra (as told by a woman)
I had lunch with 2 of my unmarried friends.
One is engaged, one is a mistress, and I have been married for 20+ years.
We were chatting about our relationships and decided
to amaze our men by greeting them at the door wearing
a black bra, stiletto heels and a mask over our eyes.
We agreed to meet in a few days to exchange notes.
Here's how it all went.
My engaged friend:
The other night when my boyfriend came over he found me
with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask.
He saw me and said, 'You are the woman of my dreams...I love you.'
Then we made passionate love all night long.
The mistress:
Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office
and I was wearing a raincoat, under it only the black bra, heels
and mask over my eyes. When I opened the raincoat he didn't
say a word, but he started to tremble and we had wild sex all night.
Then I had to share my story:
When my husband came home I was wearing the black bra,
black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes.
When he came in the door and saw me he said
"What's for dinner, Zorro?"
-- Posted by rocknroll on Wed, Aug 7, 2013, at 7:52 PM
Subject: Fwd: New Threat in California
New Threat in California
Reliable investigative sources in California say that radical Muslims are planning to go on a rampage in the City of Los Angeles, killing anyone who is a U.S. citizen. Police fear the death toll could be as high as 9.
-- Posted by rocknroll on Wed, Aug 7, 2013, at 9:23 PM
A golfer was involved in a terrible car crash and was rushed to the hospital.
Just before he was put under, the surgeon popped in to see him. "I have some good news and some bad news," says the surgeon. "The bad news is that I have to remove your right arm!"
"Oh God no!" cries the man "My golfing is over! Please Doc, what's the good news?"
"The good news is, I have another one to replace it with, but it's a woman's arm. I'll need your permission before I go ahead with the transplant."
"Go for it doc," says the man. "As long as I can play golf again."
The operation went well and a year later the man was out on the golf course when he bumped into the surgeon. "Hi, how's the new arm?" asks the surgeon.
"Just great," says the businessman. "I'm playing the best golf of my life. My new arm has a much finer touch and my putting has really improved."
"That's great," said the surgeon.
"Not only that," continued the golfer, "my handwriting has improved, I've learned how to sew my own clothes and I've even taken up painting landscapes in watercolours."
"Unbelievable!" said the surgeon, "I'm so glad to hear the transplant was such a great success. Are you having any side effects?"
"Well, just one problem," said the golfer. "Every time I get an erection, I also get a headache."
-- Posted by rocknroll on Wed, Aug 7, 2013, at 9:24 PM
Wheels an Regret bent over and picked up a penny at the same time....hence copper wire was invented
-- Posted by left turn on Thu, Aug 8, 2013, at 10:14 AM
And hence,lefty is stuck for original thoughts.....
Again.
-- Posted by rocknroll on Thu, Aug 8, 2013, at 10:34 AM
rnr: Some things just bear repeating. What will your name be next week?
-- Posted by left turn on Thu, Aug 8, 2013, at 11:06 AM
Sticking with this as long as I can,lefty. Name change wasn't my doing if you remember. Victim of an IT happenstance.
-- Posted by rocknroll on Thu, Aug 8, 2013, at 11:48 AM
How can you tell a Conservative home owner apart from a Democratic home owner? Ask who is paying the Mortgage. The Conservative will point to himself, and the democrat will also point at the conservative.
-- Posted by We Regret To Inform U on Thu, Aug 8, 2013, at 11:52 AM
WOW Regret, I almost cracked a rib on that one. That was your best one yet.
-- Posted by left turn on Thu, Aug 8, 2013, at 2:27 PM
Didn't know that rnr. Sorry about that.
-- Posted by left turn on Thu, Aug 8, 2013, at 3:00 PM
Little Johnny's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their
local police station where they saw pictures, tacked to a
bulletin board, of the 10 most wanted criminals.
One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it
really was the photo of a wanted person.
"Yes," said the policeman. "The detectives want very badly to
capture him."
Little Johnny asked, "Why didn't you keep him when you took his
picture?"
-- Posted by We Regret To Inform U on Thu, Aug 8, 2013, at 5:07 PM
A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman's face
was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't
graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny. So the
husband offered to donate some of his own skin.
However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable
would have to come from his buttocks. The husband and wife agreed
that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and
requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this
was a very delicate matter.
After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the
woman's new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever had
before! All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her
youthful beauty!
One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with
emotion at his sacrifice. She said, "Dear, I just want to thank you
for everything you did for me. There is no way I could ever repay you."
"My darling," he replied, "I get all the thanks I need every time I
see your mother kiss you on the cheek.
-- Posted by We Regret To Inform U on Thu, Aug 8, 2013, at 5:10 PM
HOW DO YOU STARVE AN OBAMA SUPPORTER?
HIDE HIS FOOD STAMPS UNDER HIS WORKBOOTS!
-- Posted by rocknroll on Fri, Aug 9, 2013, at 9:39 PM
Good work,wheels:
Sometimes you just get what you ask for!
Empathy for a homesick snowbird
I was in Gulf Shores last winter and I saw a bumper sticker on a parked car that read:
"I miss Chicago."
So I broke the window, stole the radio, shot out two of the tires, added an Obama bumper sticker and left a note that said " Hope that helps"
-- Posted by rocknroll on Sat, Aug 10, 2013, at 11:04 AM
Menu
It was the first day of school and the teacher was asking the kids what their fathers do for work.
She asked Sally, "What does your daddy do?"
She replied, "My dad is a doctor and he helps people when they're hurt."
Then the teacher asked another little boy named Greg, "What does your daddy do?"
He replied, "My daddy is a mechanic and fixes cars when they are broken."
Then the teacher asked this sad little boy named David, "What does your daddy do?"
He replied, "My Daddy's dead."
"Well," the teacher said, "what did your daddy do before he died?"
David said, "He turned Blue and **** on the floor!"
Replies (19)